The Art of the Australian Insult

The Poms are winning! The world is at an end!
August 19, 2008, 1:47 am
Filed under: Aussie Aussie Aussie, International relations, Sport | Tags:

“The Brits have overtaken Australia on the medals table. This darkness has descended, and yet there has been no declaration of national emergency. Clearly, Kevin Rudd hasn’t been the same since trying the Great Wall red at the opening ceremony dinner.”

So reflects Peter Hanlon. What has gone wrong?

“Once, not so long ago, Australians were a proud people who walked tall with jutted jaws. The Poms were a source of amusement, a fallen imperial master weeping over a dog-eared scrapbook, its tattered images of Steve Redgrave, Seb Coe, Mary Rand and those blokes from Chariots Of Fire fading by the day.

As much as it hurt, you’d hear them say: “Why can’t we be good at sport, like you Aussies?”

Triumphal, you’d smile, pat their bowed heads, and offer an almost heartfelt, “There, there, at least you’ve got Amy Winehouse.”

Now there’s not a hutong in Beijing you can disappear down without a smug cockney voice trailing you on the breeze, Bazza McKenzie impersonation in full swing. “Jeez cobber, what’s happened to the Aussies, mate, ay? Bloody crook, fair dinkum!” Oh, the shame.”

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