The Art of the Australian Insult


We’re moving in, mate
February 4, 2009, 1:44 am
Filed under: State of the nation | Tags:

After this letter to the Sydney Morning Herald, one reader responded with the following analogy:

Robert Curtis – look, mate, I hope you don’t mind if a bunch of us turns up at your place, parks the Rolls-Royce on the front lawn, kicks your door in and decides to live in your house.

We’ll endeavour to demonstrate a conciliatory nature, as we squeeze onto your sofa and take over the remote. Not many in your family will be degraded, or injured, or killed, just so long as you don’t get in our way.

There’s a lot of us, though, so there might be a few inconveniences. You’ll probably have to shift out to the laundry. Matter of fact, it might be better if we just set up a tent in the backyard and make you live out there.

The neighbours might reckon what we’re doing is a grave crime, or even unjust. But the alternative would be to construct a time capsule and cocoon you, so you and your family remained a bunch of bogans, with a short life expectancy from puffing on Winfield Blues, bad taste in clothes (flannelette has never been cool), and a future limited by Harvey Norman furniture, Holden Commodores and watching reruns of M*A*S*H.

But it could be worse. If my nephew gets the jump on us and takes over your house, well, let’s just say you’ll be thankful for the tent in the yard.

The date we arrive – we’re thinking of celebrating it with a little barbecue. You might whinge that we’re being insensitive to hold a celebration on the same date as we raided your home, but that’s just you, with the old chip on your shoulder again.

You’re just lucky we acknowledge you at all, Mr Curtis. For years we’ve been spreading the story that your house is empty.

Stephen Lacey Pearl Beach

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