The Art of the Australian Insult


Kev scores the bogan vote
November 4, 2008, 5:58 am
Filed under: Lifestyles, Politicians | Tags:

“It seems stubbies and a T-shirt are all it takes for the PM to win the Bogan vote (Letters, November 3).”

Pol Dominic McCann Darlinghurst in response to a letter writer who said that Kevin Rudd had his vote after appearing in public in a collared shirt and shorts.

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The silent sufferers applaud
November 3, 2008, 10:33 pm
Filed under: Lifestyles | Tags:

“The silent sufferers of Sydney’s outsourced food culture applaud this ordinary family for standing up to the tyranny of the restaurant kitchen. Purse-lipped and grim in photographs, they evoke the admirable stoicism of American Gothic, defenders of a cherished way of life and the freedom to eat ice-cream without fear.”

Miranda Devine on the case of the poo in the gelato.



Things that stress you out
October 30, 2008, 7:45 am
Filed under: Lifestyles | Tags:

Daily Telegraph readers have a moan about things that stress them out:

“What irritates me are those little cows that work on the checkouts at the supermarket and they can’t even say two words or even a hello.” Mezza, Sydney.

“People on the train listening to their iPods/MP3 players at full volume so that the rest of the carriage can hear a tinny version of the crap that they are listening to. ” Phil, Blue Mountains.



A Coogee Bay Special
October 30, 2008, 2:17 am
Filed under: Lifestyles | Tags:

“Will the term “Coogee Bay Special” be added to the Aussie vernacular, meaning an item of food or drink that has an unappealing appearance, taste or smell? An example of its use would be “my sister-in-law served me a Coogee Bay Special”, that is, she served me an item of food that I turned my nose up at.”

Angela Jackson Blair Athol, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald.



A pile of poo
October 29, 2008, 2:02 am
Filed under: Lifestyles | Tags:

Gelato happens.

Tom Nash St Ives Chase, on the incident of the poo in the gelato at the Coogee Bay Hotel.



“You made my mum eat poo”
October 26, 2008, 10:12 pm
Filed under: Business, Lifestyles | Tags:

Speaking of the shits, that’s exactly what was served up to the Whyte family in the Coogee Bay Hotel.  After complaining about the sound levels on the TV in the brasserie, the standard of service and the price of icecream (at $19 for an adult serve, a bit steep even by eastern suburbs standards), the family was served a free bowl of icecream. Jessica Whyte, the mother, explains:

“There were four scoops including vanilla, chocolate and hazelnut. At the bottom, there appeared to be chocolate. Greedily, I went for it ahead of the kids.  Thank heavens I did. The stench, the taste…I spat the food into a napkin and immediately I was sick.”

One of her sons screamed at the staff, “You made my mum eat poo.”

The Whytes sensibly took a sample to be tested. The National Measurement Institute came back with a report stating that “The sample has an offensive odour and physical properties simular to human excreta.”

The hotel’s general manager hit back, saying that the Whytes had demanded up to $1 million from the hotel and that they were treating the incident as “suspicious.”



Gay men: the new master race
October 26, 2008, 9:53 pm
Filed under: Lifestyles, Sex | Tags:

“We will soon be living in a world where gay men are the master race.

Already their physiology is clearly superior. They can withstand extreme cold wearing only hotpants and a pair of roller skates; they can run 30km on a treadmill while drinking a mojito; they can stay up dancing for three days at a time and then organise a nice little brunch that gets everybody talking.

By comparison the straight man is weak.”

Joe Hildebrand.