The Art of the Australian Insult

Racist and backwards
May 26, 2009, 3:45 pm
Filed under: Business, National insults | Tags: , ,

“I would say that Australia definitely is different [from] the US. In many ways it was like stepping back in time.”

Former Telstra CEO Sol Trujillo’s parting shot to the country that never liked him, in an interview with the BBC. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s response to Trujillo’s departure was one word: “Adios”. Rudd has now been accused of being racist in referring mockingly to Trujillo’s Mexican ancestry.

Don’t look at moi

“NBC sent the first two episodes of Kath and Kim, and both were jaw-dropping in their awfulness. In fact, by the end of the second episode, a stray thought occurred: Maybe an apology to Australia is unnecessary because the American version misses the mark so badly that it’s barely recognisable as a distant cousin to the original.”

Television critic for the San Francisco Chronicle ,Tim Goodman, pans the US version of Kath and Kim. Mike Kelly, critic for the Toledo Blade , was not convinced that the original could have been funny, either:

“The series (…) is a remake of a popular Australian comedy program, but if stuff like this is considered funny Down Under, folks there probably think that Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe, and Hugh Jackman would make a terrific lineup for an updated version of the Three Stooges.”

Apparently we’re all a bit thick
July 8, 2008, 7:33 am
Filed under: National insults, The Media | Tags:

“Apparently we’re all a bit thick and need pictures to help understand the words.”

Rhonda Byrne (surely not the Rhonda Byrne?) writes to the Sydney Morning Herald on the practice of illustrating stories on the oil price with oil drums and pregnancy stories with pictures of pregnant women.

Act like Aussies and look like eejits
July 7, 2008, 5:55 am
Filed under: International relations, National insults, Sport | Tags: , ,

Simon Barnes of The Times sees in the behaviour of English cricketers a distressingly inept attempt to mimic their antipodean equivalents.


“Time, I think, for a brief lesson on mimicry in the natural world. For it is my view that the English cricket team have adopted the wrong mimetic strategy and that is why we have a side of unpleasant, loud-mouthed, posturing young men repeatedly making titanic fools of themselves by their ill-judged and offensive behaviour…”


“The people they are trying to mimic are the Australians, of course. Then Australians invented sledging, rudeness and overt aggression as a part of cricket. They are also the best in the world and have been for some time. So, England reason, they had better be rude and unpleasant too – or they won’t be the best in the world…The error is that England think that this for of mimicry makes them look like serious hard cricketers. Actually, it makes them look like eejits.”

“Australians are degenerate scatologists”
July 7, 2008, 5:25 am
Filed under: International relations, National insults | Tags: , ,

“Ryann Connell is a degenerate scatologist – a typical Australian.”

“Why doesn’t someone drop a hydrogen bomb on Australia?”

Responses from irate Japanese critics of Australian journalist Connell, whose WaiWai column in the English edition of The Mainichi has revealed the stranger aspects of Japanese society to the English-speaking world for a decade. The outrage was in response to a recent column which cited an article in a Japanese magazine about a Tokyo restaurant where patrons allegedly have sex with the animals before eating them.


Human rights campaigner Debito Arudou defended Connell, arguing that the Japanese seem to think that the notion of “for domestic consumption only” marks Japanese as some kind of secret code.

Australians are into failure in a big way

“WHY do we have such a rotten national anthem? It’s because the only words that rhyme with Australia are dahlia and failure. Even Les Murray couldn’t do much with them. Mind you, a sort of mulga-wood version of the Marsellaise, emphasising Australian failure rather than French triumphalism would fit the local psyche like a shroud. Because were into failure in a big way. Think of all the films weve made about our failures. Even before Gallipoli and Burke & Wills there was Sunday Too Far Away where Jack Thompson failed to be the gun shearer, Petersen where Thompson failed to succeed at Melbourne Uni and Picnic at Hanging Rock where almost the entire cast failed to return from a picnic. Not to mention the two McKenzie films wherein despite his desperate efforts Bazza, that archetypal Australian hero, failed to lose his virginity.”

Phillip Adams, who thinks that Waltzing Matilda would make a great national anthem because it’s so depressing.

Tarted up Australians sickening
June 24, 2008, 7:08 am
Filed under: National insults | Tags: , , , ,


“Seeing Australians tarted up in top hat and tails, well, that is absolutely sickening. Stomachs hanign gout of the waistcoats and top hats falling off their heads, they are not gentlemen. They’ve got no class in Australia. The are low life, they are common, and don’t know what they’re doing.”

Eccentric English horseracing personality John McCririck (a man who is no position to offer fashion advice) while reporting from Royal Ascot this year. As quoted by Peter Fitzsimmons in the Sun-Herald.

Image source: UK Telegraph