The Art of the Australian Insult

Cricket as code for sex
April 1, 2009, 12:12 am
Filed under: Sex, Sport

Some great entries in Sam de Brito’s blog on cricketing terms as code for sex, including:

Duckworth-Lewis: The formula employed to gauge how many drinks you’re prepared to buy a woman in order to get her into bed.

Enforce the follow-on: Sex after sex. “Mate, we both woke up at 10am and she enforced the follow-on.”

Right-arm orthodox: The missionary position.

The yorker: An acute, well-delivered line or action that virtually guarantees sex. “We were getting on pretty good and they I yorked her, so she had to play at the ball.”

Disreputable lowlifes
March 31, 2009, 10:59 pm
Filed under: Celebrities, Sport

“Falzon, Einfeld, D’Arcy et al. The ABC, especially Australian Story, used to profile inspirational Australians. When did it become an apologist for disreputable lowlifes? Sycophantic supporters, sympathetic treatment. Monday night’s pathetic, scripted performance by a convicted thug rivalled Diana’s Academy Award performance with the tame poodle interviewer on the Panorama show. Have the best actor nominations closed for this year’s Logies? Does the ABC solicit these programs or are they actively promoted by the participants’ publicists? This should get D’Arcy to the World Championships. But then again, no one should stand in the way of an Oz sporting triumph. Oi! Oi! Oi!”

Bill Harris of Miranda is not impressed with the ABC’s Monday night interview with disgraced swimmer Nick D’Arcy.

Double Standards
March 21, 2009, 4:03 am
Filed under: Crime, Miscellaneous bad behaviour, Sport | Tags:

“If Marcus Einfeld was a recidivist, face-smashing, drink-driving football star, he would be doing some nominal “community service”. He would be ostentatiously rehabbing and promising to “deal with his issues”. After a brief interval “focusing on the positives”, he would be mentoring and role-modelling his way into some tacky Hall of Fame, before starting a career as a commentator. Justice James’s decision strikes at the heart of justice: equality before the law.”

Frank Campbell Elmhurst (Vic), commenting on Marcus Einfeld’s prison sentence for perjury to get out of a traffic fine.

As entertaining as trench warfare
March 13, 2009, 11:10 am
Filed under: Sport | Tags: ,

“Rugby league is as entertaining as trench warfare. Mud, booze and brain damage. No one wants it any more. Chuck the whole squirming gunny sack into the harbour. Australian Rules and soccer are far superior.”

Frank Campbell, Elmhurst , Vic, letter to The Australian.

Stirring the whitewash
March 12, 2009, 2:00 am
Filed under: Sport

“So Brett Stewart is diabetic (“Diabetes defence: Stewart could argue he didn’t know what he was doing”, March 11). I live more than five kilometres from Brookvale Oval, but you can hear them stirring the whitewash from here.”

Michael Throssell Narrabeen, in response to Manly player Brett Stewart’s sexual assault charge and subsequent suspension.

On the rebound
February 18, 2009, 3:59 am
Filed under: Sport

“I tried to punch Peter just in the chest to try and wind him or something, but it kind of rebounded off his chest and hit him in the mouth.”

The Marrickville Mauler, Jeff Fenech, explains how he ended up punching fellow boxer Peter Mitrevski.

“A pissant town”
February 16, 2009, 8:18 am
Filed under: Place, Sport | Tags: ,

“That’s the problem. That 4-0 result tonight was politics, nothing else. Whether you are involved directly or indirectly you have an effect. Because of a pissant town, this club will never win anything until you get rid of that crap.”

Adelaide United Football Club Aurelio Vidmar, on Adelaide. He has since admitted this wasn’t the cleverest thing to say.