The Art of the Australian Insult


You’ve had your chups
April 2, 2009, 11:20 pm
Filed under: Transport

“PASSENGERS on a Sydney-bound Air New Zealand flight yesterday may have been thinking it was still April Fools’ Day when some of their flight attendants turned up wearing wigs and feather boas. It’s all part of a protest over pay by the hosties’ union and it went swimmingly until the hosties refused orders to lose the fancy dress and got turfed off the plane, resulting in the grounding of the flight.”

Strewth again.

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“I’m human, I’m not perfect”
April 2, 2009, 10:16 pm
Filed under: Politicians, Transport | Tags: , ,

“All of us are human, I’m human, I’m not perfect. If I upset anybody on that particular flight, I’m sorry, I apologise for it. We all make mistakes, your Prime Minister included.”

Kevin Rudd apologises for making a flight attendant cry on an RAAF flight in January. He tackled her over the lack of a meat-free meal.



A masterpiece of fiction
March 23, 2009, 1:01 am
Filed under: Culture, Transport | Tags: ,

A wry comment on the state of public transport in Sydney, one that’s worth quoting in full:

“I see that the shortlist for the Premier’s Literary awards will be announced tomorrow (Spectrum, March 21-22). I trust that among these will be the Sydney Bus Timetable. Recognition is long overdue. It is written by a person with boundless imagination; it excites in its readers the whole range of emotions, from relief, anticipation, excitement, puzzlement, anger and frustration to anti-climax. So obviously is it a masterpiece of fiction that no disclaimer is necessary.”

Michael Creswell Waterloo, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald.



Treat them like cattle
February 25, 2009, 1:47 am
Filed under: Business, Politicians, Transport | Tags: ,

“Anyone who has used Sydney Airport can testify to Mr Moore-Wilton’s approach to the delivery of services and infrastructure – treat the customers like cattle and charge them exorbitantly for the privilege.

He has created one of the worst managed, most uncomfortable and most expensive airports in the world. Now the Liberals want him to show them how to do the same with all our big infrastructure and capital works.”

John Pomeroy of Stanmore comments on revelations that NSW Opposition leader Barry O’Farrell is to take advice from Max Moore-Wilton.



“You better not poo”
November 18, 2008, 3:48 am
Filed under: Toilet humour, Transport | Tags:

“They gave me two extras but by yesterday morning I was down to the last one and I had to say to her, “You better not poo.”

Francis Chippeck, who travelled with her two year old daughter on a Qantas flight from Singapore. Passengers spent more than 24 hours on the plane after it was delayed by storms, and a refuelling stop.



An FFF for public transport
November 13, 2008, 3:00 am
Filed under: Politicians, Transport | Tags:

“Mr Rees, there is no point having an AAA credit rating if we have an FFF public planning policy that leaves so many people, living where the Government encouraged them to settle, bereft of affordable, modern public transport.”



Sydneysiders, the Americans of NSW
November 10, 2008, 10:26 pm
Filed under: Place, Transport | Tags:

“Jeez, I’m sick of hearing about how hard done by Sydney is.
“The Government won’t spend billions of dollars on a bypass that will cut five minutes off our travel time… The Government expects us to pay for transport system upgrades through increased fares..we pay so much petrol…we are so broke because we just paid an obscene amount to a greedy vendor for a house not worth half what we paid.”
Fair dinkum, Sydneysiders are the Americans of NSW. The state ends at the Hunter River to the north, the Blue Mountains to the west and Lake Illawarra to the south. Nothing exists outside Sydney’s borders and what does exist you don’t care about.
Come have a look at our decrepit roads, our non-existent transport system, our petrol prices (no 99c deals happening here) and our way of life.
You might realize how lucky you are.”

Brian McMullen, Dubbo, letter to the Daily Telegraph.