The Art of the Australian Insult


Is your handbag giving you headaches?
October 3, 2012, 8:33 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

You love your handbag. You keep your life in there. Judging by the way you lose things in it, there’s every possibility that it’s a portal to a parallel universe. 

There’s also every chance that your handbag is giving you headaches – literally. All that carrying of a heavy load on one shoulder throws your spine out of alignment, forces your neck and shoulder to adjust unnaturally, and leads to pinched nerves and knots that cause tension headaches. 

 

 

 



“We are the arsonists”
February 12, 2009, 11:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

“It’s useless running around looking for arsonists. The arsonists are us. They are our government and our administrators. We have been stupid.”

Germaine Greer argues that there should have been regular burn-offs during the cooler months to prevent bushfires of the kind seen on Black Saturday.



Booze, pokies and prostitutes
January 24, 2009, 4:45 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

“They think happiness can be achieved by being intoxicated, by going to the casino and blowing your money away, by going from one prostitute to the other. They don’t know what life is all about, that’s why they are on the booze, why they are binge drinking … why unfortunately suicide has skyrocketed, murder, anxiety and depression.” 

Controversial Muslim cleric Abu Hamza offers reasons why his followers should spread Islam in order to save Australians. Earlier Kevin Rudd called on Hamza to apologise for remarks made in a lecture in which he encouraged men to beat their wives and force them to have sex. Some Australians remarked in the Daily Telegraph that many Anglo men believe the same thing.



Go to the toilet the Australian way, mate
January 24, 2009, 3:58 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

“I think it is atrocious, an invasion of a person’s rights and cultural beliefs. If it wasn’t so disgusting it would almost be laughable.”

Australian Manufacturing Worker’s Union state organiser Rick Finch on the case of Filipino worker Amador Bernabe, who was sacked for using water rather than toilet paper. Greens spokeswoman Jenny Stirling praised Bernabe for “standing up for himself”.



“Melbourne people are the rudest people in the world”
October 8, 2008, 3:10 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

“But I could never go for Melbourne. I hate Melbourne with a passion. Melbourne people are so rude. They are the rudest people in the world. I’m going down there for the Cox Plate. I’m going to sneak in, take all their money, and get out again.”

Tommy Raudonikis on Melbourne Storm.



Saint Alan of the rip-off artists
September 24, 2008, 12:31 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Alan Bond is truly blessed. Restoration of both his memory and wealth (“Homesick Bond back to his old haunts”, 22/9). Don’t two miracles qualify him for sainthood?
David Crommelin
Strathfield, NSW

 

My, how time flies. Can it be only 25 years since Alan Bond showed you could achieve anything by spending unlimited amounts of other people’s money?
Richard Hamilton
Nundah, Qld



As useless as a pocket in a singlet
September 10, 2008, 5:55 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

“Out in the electorate, they are seen to be as useless as a pocket in a singlet.”

The Nationals, according to The Australian reader Alan Kennedy of Bondi Junction.



Liberal invertebrates in search of a spine
September 10, 2008, 3:41 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

“Now NSW voters have a choice between the “you’re either with us or you’re an idiot” bullies of Labor or the “we’ll only do it if it’s in our short-term interests” wimps of the Coalition. Dark days indeed.”

 

Anthony van den Broek, Erskineville NSW, letter to The Australian. Bowral resident Bill Carpenter, arguing in the same paper, makes a point about the Liberals’ NSW leader:

 

“Morris Iemma is smarter than he looks. His power sell-off has exposed Barry O’Farrell as an invertebrate looking for a spine.”



“Everything he touches turns to mud”
September 4, 2008, 7:12 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Michael Costa is not popular with Daily Telegraph readers:

“I can’t believe Michael Costa still has a job. Everything he touches turns to mud.” Craig want, Sydney.

“Michael Costa is the supreme example of the self perpetuating Sussex St grandees who are all over the state parliamentary party like a rash. Spin and bluster have replaced detailed analytical debate, policy or respect for any of the Labor traditions and principals [sic]. So Mr Costa, please pick up your bat, ball and parliamentary pension and head off to the big end of town’s boardrooms that you are so eagerly trying to ingratiate yourself and play with their shareholder’s money.” Peter Seinor, Maroubra.

“Morris Iemma is so incompetent that Michael Costa could tell him anything and Morris would agree. Michael, give it away because your name along with the entire state Labor Party and the Premier are already in the history books as the most incompetent clowns ever to govern the state of NSW.” Rod Williams, Mt Annan.



Disease-ridden, failure-packed government
August 12, 2008, 12:37 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

“The next election can’t come soon enough to rid this state of this disease ridden, failure-packed Government.  Barry O’Farell, you’re on notice too.”

Dave Conole, letter to the Daily Telegraph.