The Art of the Australian Insult


Belinda is nasty to Brendan
September 4, 2008, 6:15 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

“[Ms Neal], like all MPs, must in the future maintain the higher standards of behaviour expected of all members. Ms Neal’s future in politics, like all other MPs, depends on the member’s capacity to meet the standard of behaviour expected by the Australian public.”

Spokesperson for Kevin Rudd, in response to reports that embattled Labor MP Belinda Neal had allegedly verbally abused Liberal leader Brendan Nelson on a Qantas flight. Neal was angry that Nelson had described her as a “ugly bully” during the aftermath of the Iguanagate fracas.



Belinda the shark the dog’s bollocks of fish
July 10, 2008, 4:13 am
Filed under: Classic Australianisms, Politicians | Tags: , , ,

“A large shark like that would stick out like dog’s balls.”

Taronga  Zoo’s shark expert – who, fittingly, is named John West – comments on claims that a 7 metre Great White shark is lurking in Tuggerah Lake on the Central Coast. Naturally, the shark has already been named “Belinda”.



Make Belinda minister of child nudity

Today’s Daily Telegraph brings with it several letters in response to the nude picture of six year old Olympia Nelson on the cover of Art Australia Monthly. Interestingly enough, given the decidedly hostile tone of the newspaper’s own coverage of the issue, most of the letter writers thought it was all a bit ridiculous:

“I am still struggloing with the fact that a picture of the child could conjure up images of pronogrpahy, depravity, sex or obscenity in any reasonable person’s mind.”

writes grandfather of five Saul Moss, who adds that it’s “a storm in a teacup”. G. Bears wonders about people who see anything sexual in a six year old:

“Hey, Mr Rudd, it’s a six-year-old child. OK, she’s got no clothes on, but if you think it’s “disgusting”, you’re as sick as the old pervs who think it’s sexy.”

Neville Ridge is also annoyed by Kevin Rudd:

“I thought priggery had gone about as far as it could go under John Howard and some of his ministers but they were nothing when compared to the religious prudery we are now being subjected to by Kevin Rudd. Lighten up Kevin. what will you complain about next – nude pictures of babies?”

Perhaps the best summary of the involvement of politicians in matters of moral urgency is provided by Con Hallias, who writes:

“I totally agree with our political leaders. We should ban all nude child photos. I am sick and tired of my mother marching out the old photographs of me on a rug, having a bath, running through the sprinklers. Give it up, Mum – everyone knows I was a cute baby.

I think we should allow our politicians to run every aspect of our lives. After all, they are our moral superiors, aren’t they?  I nominate Belinda Neal for minister of child nudity.”



Ill-mannered, narcissistic twits, beware
July 4, 2008, 9:02 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: ,

“As a fellow restauarant employee, I just wanted to say “good on you” to the guys at Iguanas who came forward regarding their treatment from Belinda Neal. No one has the right to waltz into a restaurant and treat the staff like dirt, no matter how grand you think you are. It unfortunately happens ot often in the industry amd maybe the affair will serve as a warning to any ill-mannered, narcissistic twits: we are not your door mat.”

Candice comments on Iguanagate in the pages of the Telly. June 28.



Drop Willie, put in Belinda
July 4, 2008, 5:52 am
Filed under: Politicians, Sport | Tags: ,

“NSW needs to get serious. Drop Willie Mason and put in Belinda Neal.”

Peter Barnes, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald.



New tourism slogan
July 4, 2008, 5:43 am
Filed under: Celebrities, Politicians | Tags: , ,

“Tourism NSW should immediately contract be;linda Neal and Gordon Ramsay to front a new, more aggressive advertising campaign.  Called “Where the fucking hell are you, it would not only drag in the punters, but also keep those pesky waiters on their toes.”

Dave Robinson, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald, Friday June 13 2008.



The useless, stinking NSW Labor Government
July 3, 2008, 5:30 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: ,

Some Daily Telegraph readers voted Labor. Peter J of Cowan is definitely not one of them. He writes:

“This seems harsh, and it it were anyone other than an extremely well paid public figure, I would not support it., But thos ecommentators who do not understand why this paur seem to be the lightning rod for so much public anger are just out of touch with all the depth of ill-feeling in the community towards the useless, stinking NSW Labor Government.”



When cornered, just hide in the loo. Or call the police.
July 2, 2008, 5:37 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , , , ,

“Around about Epping he went into the toilet and didn’t come out until we reached Central. It was around twenty minutes he was in there. When he came out I said, “this rather awkward isn’t it.’’

Seven reporter Aela Callan reports on how NSW Education minister John Della Bosca hid in a toilet on a train in order to avoid a television crew. In contrast, his wife Belinda Neal called the police after a Channel 7 reporter mocking called “Don’t you know who I am?” to her.  Neal’s office released the following statement:

“This morning a team from A Current Affair followed Ms Neal from her home to her electorate office and forced their way through a secure area at the rear of Ms Neal’s office and the Commonwealth Bank and then pursued Ms Neal into her office. Police are presently investigating the incident in relation to entering enclosed lands and assault on Ms Neal. Police are understood to have asked A Current Affair for tapes of the incident.’’



Are Belinda and Schapelle linked?
June 27, 2008, 9:27 am
Filed under: Celebrities, Crime, Politicians | Tags: ,

“Ok, I’ve been trying to follow the media for the past week or two, but now I’m getting confused. Did someone see Belinda put something in Schapelle’s luggage?”

Andrew Bonnell, Annerley Qld, letter to The Australian.



Don’t toy with Iguanagate
June 25, 2008, 7:06 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

iguana

 

NSW Liberal MP Ray Williams has been ejected from state parliament after bringing a stuffed-toy iguana into the lower house.

Mr Williams produced the toy as Premier Morris Iemma rose to answer a question from Nationals Leader Andrew Stoner relating to the incident at Iguana’s Waterfront Bar at Gosford, involving John Della Bosca and his wife, federal Labor MP Belinda Neal.

Iguanagate just won’t die. As reported by the Sydney Morning Herald.