The Art of the Australian Insult


Death by waffle
September 29, 2008, 12:23 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

“To observe a Brendan Nelson interview was always to be prey to a cocktail of warring emotions; the protective sense of anguish, the dread certainty that a clanger was approaching, and then the mortification of the clanger itself.”

Annabel Crabb reflects on the difference in style between Brendan Nelson and Malcolm Turnbull. In her view, the latter could quite easily have been a Labor leader, just as Kevin Rudd could quite easily have been a Liberal leader. As for poor Brendan Nelson, the man was just hopeless:

“Dr Nelson is a very nice bloke, and genuinely liked by many journalists and colleagues; he has far fewer enemies than Malcolm Turnbull. But after a full-length press conference you’d often feel traumatised and emotionally exhausted, like a kid who’s just watched their dad butcher Bohemian Rhapsody for eight minutes at school assembly.”

In contrast, “Turnbull will give his part plenty of heart attacks, in all likelihood, but he will never subject them to death by waffle.”



Things move slowly in Canberra
September 26, 2008, 2:34 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

“Good afternoon, Brendan Nelson’s office,” said the woman answering. “Oh, sorry. Malcolm Turnbull’s office.”

Strewth reports on a call to Malcolm Turnbull’s office yesterday afternoon.



Prince Planet and
September 24, 2008, 7:13 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

“Kevin Rudd: The Kruddster, Prince Planet
Being Australia’s PM means the nicknames pile up. At the moment the preferred moniker is Prince Planet due to Rudd’s penchant for touring the globe. One day may make an historic visit to Australia.”

Jack the Insider, in covering Kevin Rudd’s current nicknames, neglects to add Kevin747. Here Jack is on other politicians:

Brendan Nelson: The Stud
Nothing to do with the fact that he used to wear a diamond stud in his ear. Nelson ascribed the nickname to himself while studying medicine at Flinders University. Clearly he was more popular then.

Malcolm Turnbull: Truffles
A man who went from rags to riches without changing post codes.

Philip Ruddock: The Un-Dead
A man of great wit and humour. A powerful orator and man of high principle. No, wait, I was thinking about someone else.

Warren Truss: The Laundromat
Is there any more boring place to be than a laundromat? Spend some time with Warren Truss and you decide.

Bob Brown: Sludge
What you get when you mix brown and green.

Colin Barnett: The Pensioner
Came from a retirement home and went to the Premier’s office in WA.

Alan Carpenter: The Unemployed
Came from the Premier’s office and went to a retirement home in WA.

David Bartlett: Short Pants
I thought young people got off the island by the time they reached 21 years of age.

Will Hodgman: Who?
Google his name and break the internet.



The Robbie Williams of politics
September 23, 2008, 7:31 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , , ,

“Mr Speaker, this Opposition stands for big oil, fast cars and Bacardi Breezers. The Liberal Party is being led by Robbie Williams.”

Wayne Swan, as quoted by Annabel Crabb. September 5 2008. Bet you Labor is sooo wishing the Liberals were led by Robbie Williams now.



Will he still be in this position?
September 10, 2008, 3:33 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags:

“Brendan Nelson assures us “that in two years’ time, I’ll be in this position”. Does he mean he’ll still be the most unpopular Opposition leader in history?”

John Goldbaum, Potts Point, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald. An earlier letter to the same paper commented on Nelson’s attempts to understand the challenges faced by truck drivers:

“Surely Dubbo truck driver Rod Hannifay should be nominated for a bravery award after voluntarily enduring 12 hours on the road locked into listening  to the inane waffle of Opposition temporary leader Brendan Nelson.

The condition of the roads would fade into insignificance against the conditions experienced inside the cabin.”

 

Keith Mobbs of Lane Cove.



Belinda is nasty to Brendan
September 4, 2008, 6:15 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

“[Ms Neal], like all MPs, must in the future maintain the higher standards of behaviour expected of all members. Ms Neal’s future in politics, like all other MPs, depends on the member’s capacity to meet the standard of behaviour expected by the Australian public.”

Spokesperson for Kevin Rudd, in response to reports that embattled Labor MP Belinda Neal had allegedly verbally abused Liberal leader Brendan Nelson on a Qantas flight. Neal was angry that Nelson had described her as a “ugly bully” during the aftermath of the Iguanagate fracas.



Don’t knife Brendan
August 26, 2008, 1:01 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , ,

“He’s doing a good job under difficult circumstances and the last thing we want to do is develop a tradition of knifing our leaders.”

Opposition spokesman on families, Tony Abbott, speaks out on behalf of the beleaguered Liberals leader.