The Art of the Australian Insult

Big city, small-minded outlook
October 8, 2008, 1:47 am
Filed under: Place, Sport | Tags: , ,

“While visiting my parents in Sydney, I noticed just how small-town the city had become. The anti-Melbourne sentiment displayed by the public and in the media leading up to the NRL grand final was ungracious, biased, unreasonable and offensive.
Clearly, Sydney cannot be regarded as an international city with such a small-minded outlook.

Apart from too much sunshine, I would much rather live in big-hearted Melbourne where even a win by the Sydney Swans is embraced and cheered.”

Cait Ellis Parkville (Vic), letter to the SMH.

The Foot Wars
July 18, 2008, 3:58 am
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“Rugby League is the only game on earth that is less fun than work.”

Tim Blair, who maintains that Rugby League is a “cruel joke playe don the working classes”. In contrast. AFL teams are thriving, even in Adelaide, “where the local economy is based on kidnapping”.

Rugby League fan Luke McIlveen hits back, declaring that Tim Blair “writes shit nobody understands”. “I’ve never sat through an AFL game from start to finish, but I;m told it goes longer than World Youth Day – only with less chance of becoming involved in a physical confrontation.” He also mocks Blair for coming from Melbourne:

“Surprised, in fact, you made it out of one of those quaint lanway wine bars long enough to polish your specs and turn your mind to something other than carbon credits.”

“Sydney is schizo”
July 14, 2008, 2:33 am
Filed under: Place | Tags: , , ,

Melbourne-born poet Alan Wearne isn’t sure about Sydney:


“I tell you what, Sydney’s redneck quotient makes the outback look tolerant. I know Melbourne has all the gangland crime but the things happen in Sydney, like the Cronulla riots and the talkback clowns, that doesn’t happen down South.

Sydney is schizo: it’s the city of the Gay Mardi Gras and Fred Nileand the Hillsong church, just like the early days of settlement when you ad the Reverend Samuel Marsden on the one hand and Bacchanalian convict revelry on the other. When Sydney is nasty, it is really vicious.”

As if to make his point, after the interview took place, Wearne was the victim of a bashing on the South Coast train to Wollongong.

Fight! Fight! Sydney vs Melbourne
June 25, 2008, 2:21 am
Filed under: Place | Tags: , , , ,

Revelations that Gordon Ramsay’s first Australian restaurant will be located in Melbourne led to lots of Melbourne-bashing in the Daily Telegraph. “AP” of Sydney offers:

“Being a Pom, of course he would choose a place where he would feel at home – cold, crime-ridden and full of whingers. Melbourne is perfect.”

“SM”, also of Sydney, was equally dismissive:

“That grey, cold, windy and wet town down south is welcome to this fool. TV cooks don’t do anything for me. However, it appears that this obnoxious prat is endearing to some. The whole foul language and bad boy image is so predictable and just a pretty shallow gimmick.”

“NIck” thinks that Melbourne is a bit up itself:

“Melbourne is too busy comparing itself to the rest of the world, although the rest of the world ha snever heard of Melbourne. When not doing this, Melbourne likes pretending it is Paris. Bleak City has a climate which makes a grubby little laneway seem like paraise. Sydney doesn’t care either way – we don’t try to be something we’re not.”

At least “George” stands up for Melbourne:

“Sydney’s food is crap. You can’t find a decent meal apart from a few posh places where you can’t get a table anyway. At least in Melbourne we don’t have the snobbery of Sydney.”

And “Rod” from Perth, who is presumably unbiased, says that Melbourne “wins hands down”:

“There’s not much to get excited about in Sydney. Pretty much the same as any other capital city.”