The Art of the Australian Insult


People Aussie blokes hate
September 21, 2008, 11:21 pm
Filed under: Celebrities, Politicians, Religion, Sport | Tags: , ,

“Sonny Bill is someone who did something no Australian should do, he ditched his teammates and walked out. We’re calling him Money Bill Williams for scarpering off to another continent just for the cash.”

Zoo editor Paul Merrill  comments on the lad mag’s annual People We Hate list. Labor MP and Iguanagate veteran Belinda Neal was third behind the Bali bomber, with the Pope featuring in seventh for “shutting down our streets and filling them with a bunch of weirdos” during World Youth Day in Sydney.

“Generally we don’t like him (the Pope) he’s old and looks a bit strange, like he should be in Star Wars,” Merrill said.

TV personality David Koch merited inclusion “because he’s a bit of an old fart”.  The full list:

1. Sonny Bill Williams – Bulldogs deserter

2. Amrozi – Bali bomber dubbed the smiling assassin

3. Belinda Neal – Tantie-throwing, night-clubbing federal Labor MP

4. Wayne Carey – Misbehaving former AFL player

5. Nick D’Arcy – Dumped from Olympic swim team over assault claim

6. SA Attorney – General Michael Atkinson

7. Pope Benedict

8. Indy 500 General Manager, Greg Hooten – banned booze and boobs.

9&10. John Earnest and Anne Deaves – father and daughter who became dad and mum.

11. Big Brother 2008 winner Terri

12. Corey Worthington – Melbourne party boy

13. Greg Norman – golfer

14. Mercedes Corby – convicted drug smuggler’s sister

15. Schapelle Corby – convicted drug smuggler

16. Peter MacDonald – James Hardie boss who avoided paying compensation

17. David Miscavige – Scientology boss

18. Dennis Ferguson – accused pedophile seeking compensation

19. Kyle Sandilands – radio host

20. David Koch – Sunrise presenter

21. The girl from the AAMI ads

22. Marcus Trescothick – English cricketer

23. Rove McManus – comedian

24. George W Bush – US president

25. Toadie from Neighbours

26. Bank CEOs

27. Japanese Whalers

28. Radovan Karadzic – accused genocidal Serb leader

29. Sheik Yamani – price-rising Saudi oil minister

30. Martin Lawrence – actor

31. John Darwin – Briton who faked own death

32. Sarah Jessica Parker – actor

33. Jamie Oliver – TV chef

34. Todd McKenny – Radio and TV host

35. & 36. Rick Dyer and Matthew Whitton – gave false hope to Bigfoot believers

37. Judge who jailed lesbians in Dubai

38. Gordon Ramsay – foul-mouthed chef

39. Britney Spears

40. Patrick Swayze – gets cancer, continues to smoke

41. Tamsyn Lewis – Olympic athlete

42. Amy Winehouse – drug, booze and self-pity hound

43. Pamela Anderson – no-show for Zoo Weekly

44. Madonna – singer

45. Joanna Griggs – voice of the Olympics

46. Heath Franklin – comedic performer and writer

47. Peter Hore – serial pest

48. Heather Mills – Paul McCartney’s former wife

49. Tim Johnson – the Firepower man

50. Milton Orkopolous – former NSW pollie and convicted sex offender.

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Inverse relationships between tattoos and IQ
August 14, 2008, 5:36 am
Filed under: Sport | Tags:

“After listening to Sony Bill Williams’s stuttering attempt to justify the unjustifiable, it seems to me that he is an example of a person whose IQ is inversely proprotional to the number of times he has visited the tattoo parlour. Dare I also suggest that any man called “Sonny” is likely to have more than the usual trouble trying to grow up.”

Des Hoad, Palmyra, WA, letter to The Australian.



A Hollywood Divorce
August 13, 2008, 4:28 am
Filed under: Sport | Tags: ,

“This is now becoming a bitter Hollywood divorce and the longer it takes, the more childish the NRL and the Australian media will look. The NRL needs to realise that Sonny Bill Williams is simply not coming back.”

Dave Terangi, Brisbane, letter to the Daily Telegraph.



NRL’s going to the frogs
August 11, 2008, 8:03 am
Filed under: Sport | Tags:

“Now that a certain former Bulldog is officially a French rugby union player will he now be known as a bullfrog?”

Garth Clarke, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald.



Happy birthday
August 4, 2008, 4:18 am
Filed under: Sport | Tags: , , ,

“I haven’t wished him a happy birthday.”

Bulldogs chief executive Todd Greenberg on Sonny Bill Williams. The Bulldogs lost 56-4 to the Wests Tigers on the same day, August 4.



What’s the difference between SBW and Arnie?
August 4, 2008, 12:27 am
Filed under: Sport | Tags: , ,

SBW mania continues unabated. The jokes have started:

“Q: What’s the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwarzenegger.?

A: Arnold Schwarzenegger will be back.”

 

The fans are still hurting:

 

“Sonny Bill Williams is greedy, disloyal, ungrateful, immature and misguided.

He was not deserving of wearing the same coloured Guernsey of men such as Mazem El Masri, Andrew Ryan and Luke Patten.”

John Hallam, Kurri Kurri.

 

“To Sonny Bill I say “au revoir’.

He obviously shows no passion, loyalty and respect for his team mates, fans and the game of rugby league. At least his leaving the game will free up a position for a player who truly loves the game, and would be thrilled to given the opportunity to play at first-grade level.

The French can have him.”

K. Pace, Fairfield.

 

“Like a spoiled baby.”

David Campese in the Daily Telegraph describes SBW’s behaviour. Meanwhile, Sam de Brito thinks the media are a bunch of hypocrites:

“The Sydney sporting media’s frothing outrage over Bulldogs superstar Sonny Bill Williams decision to not honour his contract because he was offered triple the amount by French rugby is dazzling in its hypocrisy.

Can you imagine if any league pundit was offered more than three times their wage to defect to the opposition? They wouldn’t even logg off their computer. Their homemade lasagna would still be in the office microwave while their empty chair spun at their desk.”

 

 

 

Mike Carlton, on the other hand, thinks we’re all making far too many assumptions:

“People assume that Sonny Bill is a bit thick because he is covered in tats and apparently monosyllabic in English, with a silly Christian name to boot. But perhaps there are hidden depths. Who’s to say that, even now he is not reclining at ease on some late night chat show on Canal Plus, tossing witty aphorisms back and forth with Bernard Henri-Levy? You don’t get that sort of fun at a Bulldogs nightclub incident.”

 

 

 



Small beer
July 31, 2008, 4:21 am
Filed under: Politicians | Tags: , , ,

“In its centenary year rugby league has been revealed as fairly small beer in global terms, and faces the prospect of a diminished place in the hierarchy of Australian sport. The first step in ensuring its future is to dispense with its well-developed propensity for self-delusion.”

Professor David Rowe offers a dispassionate assessment of rugby league in the wake of the defection of Sonny Bill Williams and Mark Gasnier to French rugby union.