The Art of the Australian Insult


Divorce is bad for the planet!
February 24, 2009, 11:20 pm
Filed under: Horse and Carriage, Lifestyles, Politicians

“We understand that there is a social problem (with divorce), but now we’re seeing there is also environmental impact as well on the footprint.”

Family First senator Steve Fielding says divorce leads to inefficient single lifestyles and contributes to global warming.

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Too much to bear
February 17, 2009, 4:47 am
Filed under: Horse and Carriage, Sex

“While I’m open-minded, I draw the line at lesbian couples being permitted to have children (“Doctors warn on lesbian IVF win”, 14-15/2). The thought of some poor bloke having two mothers-in-law is too much to bear.”

Mike Young, Floreat, WA, letter to The Australian. 



Man drought? What man drought?
February 17, 2009, 2:39 am
Filed under: Horse and Carriage, Sex

 

“There is clearly no man drought, but a tsunami of illiterate, bland, broken, scary men with a high incidence of poor dental outcomes, all apparently looking for a “slim, independent, funny, intelligent, genuine woman aged between 18 and 27″.”

Camille Manley Camperdown, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald. Which attracted this letter the next day:

Camille Manley (Letters, February 17), as one of the tsunami of scary men, I can say from my online dating experience that looking for a “slim woman aged between 18 and 27″ means I will invariably end up finding instead a needy woman of average build between 30 and 38. Which is fine.”

Keith Glover Cunjurong



Cut out the middleman
August 11, 2008, 3:46 am
Filed under: Horse and Carriage | Tags: ,

“Cut out the middleman – find someone you hate and give ’em a house.”

Kenny the Plumber. Kenny’s creator, Shane Jacobson, is going through an acrimonious separation of his own. He has launched a court action to get back his share of a house from his former partner Kellie Tidd.



Sad sex secrets (do we really want to know?)
July 2, 2008, 8:43 am
Filed under: Horse and Carriage, Sex, Uncategorized | Tags:

“An awful fuck.”

“Margie’s” description of her husband as quoted in a new book on the sex lives of Australian women, titled, well, Sex Lives of Australian Women.



Spare squeezes
June 27, 2008, 9:36 am
Filed under: Horse and Carriage | Tags:

“I too get lonely when my wife is not around – she occasionally ducks out to shop or go to yoga and other things. So I broached the idea of having a spare squeeze around the house, just for those times whyen she wasn’t about. I’ve narrowed down the job description and I;m now looking for an applicant who is pretty good at applying bandages to head wounds and treating a black eye.”

Rob Parker of  Maleny Qld responds to revelations that some Australian Muslims are compaining to make polygamy legal. As another eader of The Australian writes, “wouldn’t it be nice if Sheikh Khalil Chami and Keysar Trad woke up tomorrow morning and found themselves in the 21st century?”

Sam Ball of Windsor, Vic, thinks polyandry would be an excellent idea:

“If a woman could legally have up to say, four husbands, it would be a saving to taxpayers because such multi-income families would have no need for welfare. Each husband would have to take out the garbage and mow the lawn only once  amonth. They would also have more time to recuperate after sexc and there would be less demand for Viagra. In more ways than one, polyandry is a no brainer.”



There are worse things in life than…
June 27, 2008, 9:09 am
Filed under: Celebrities, Horse and Carriage | Tags: , ,

“…there are worse things in life than putting on 25 kilos and having stretchmarks on your guts. God, you could be married to Sam Newman.”

Melbourne comedian Nelly Thomas who, Emma Tom writes in The Australian, “has the turning circle of a Kombi”. Thomas is the face of a Westfield campaign that focuses on mothers.

nelly thomas

Source: nellythomas.com