The Art of the Australian Insult

Cheap and Nasty
February 25, 2009, 2:01 am
Filed under: Sex, Social class, The Media | Tags:

Two responses to the diabolical TV show otherwise known as Australia’s version of Ladette to Lady:

“Using the terms intelligent and pole dancing in describing the same person is a con. I may be female, feminist and 50, but I know suckers when I see them. Women, young and old, who believe that behaving like the worst of the lads is liberation and freedom are in for a rude shock when wisdom kicks in.

Raunch is not a product of feminism. But it is all about “product”. If women are ever to be more than commodities in their own eyes or the eyes of men, they would do well to defy the pressures from marketers and image makers who prey on them from the cradle to … well, about 50.”

Mhairi Fraser Goulburn

“However, I suggest the behaviour of both the ladettes and the ladies are contrivances of talentless television directors who set out to fashion the actors into caricatures in order to sell a cheap and nasty program.”

Brian O’Donnell Burradoo

A tale of too many bare titties
February 18, 2009, 3:52 am
Filed under: Sex, The Media | Tags:

“Alas, the only real crime I witnessed during Monday night’s Underbelly: A Tale of Too Many Bare Titties was the assassination of any suspenseful storytelling, complex character development and clever dialogue by scene after scene of soft porn. Titillating, perhaps cutting edge in the 1970s, but rather passe and lazy by current TV standards.”

Wendy Quiggin Surry Hills, letter to the Sydney Morning Herald.

How to make it in the news game
October 24, 2008, 3:21 am
Filed under: Sex, The Media | Tags:

“To make it in this industry, you gotta have f**kability. To make it in this game, women have to be f**kable.”

Nine’s news director John Westacott , as alleged by television journalist Christine Spiteri. Spiteri has just been awarded a six figure sum for discrimination after her contract was not renewed.

How to respond to an insult
October 19, 2008, 11:58 pm
Filed under: Classic Insults, The Media | Tags:

“Dear Sir,

The offer of your daughter’s hand in marriage intrigues me. Please send me a photograph by return mail.

Yours sincerely,

Bill Leak. “

Response by the well-loved cartoonist Bill Leak to a particularly abusive letter from a member of the public. Leak is currently in an induced coma after a freak accident over the weekend.

Don’t look at moi

“NBC sent the first two episodes of Kath and Kim, and both were jaw-dropping in their awfulness. In fact, by the end of the second episode, a stray thought occurred: Maybe an apology to Australia is unnecessary because the American version misses the mark so badly that it’s barely recognisable as a distant cousin to the original.”

Television critic for the San Francisco Chronicle ,Tim Goodman, pans the US version of Kath and Kim. Mike Kelly, critic for the Toledo Blade , was not convinced that the original could have been funny, either:

“The series (…) is a remake of a popular Australian comedy program, but if stuff like this is considered funny Down Under, folks there probably think that Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe, and Hugh Jackman would make a terrific lineup for an updated version of the Three Stooges.”

The Huggies of our human landfill
October 2, 2008, 4:24 am
Filed under: Celebrities, The Media | Tags:

“We don’t expect them to biodegrade like real people. They are the Huggies of our human landfill.”

Ruth Ritchie on TV stars like Daryl Somers. SMH Spectrum, September 27-28

Memo to self: don’t hold breath
October 1, 2008, 7:19 am
Filed under: The Media | Tags: ,

VERY SMALL BUSINESS 9.30PM. ABC1: Don’t get it. It’s just not funny. I keep watching it in the hope that the scales will fall from my eyes and I will be able to see the funny side and lo, laughter will spill forth. Memo to self: don’t hold breath.”

Keith Austin, Sydney Morning Herald.

Do they think all Australians are morons?
August 21, 2008, 8:09 am
Filed under: Sport, The Media | Tags: ,

“The ACCC should investigate the Seven Network’s hold on TV rights to the Olympics. Obviously they made their successful application on the premise that all Australians are morons.”

Sophie Coleman, WA, letter to The Australian.

“How dare you undermine our intelligence?”

ABC Radio  National’s Saturday Extra featured this extraordinary exchange between interviewer Geraldine Doogue and the Zimbabwean movement for Democratic Change’s Arthur Mutambara:

Mutambara: Who are you? How dare you undermine our intelligence? How dare you, you are so racist to the extent that you can’t guarantee us, give us the respect, the vote of confidence that we can make our own decisions.

Geraldine Doogue: Well, let …

Mutambara: You are collectively stupid …

Doogue: Let me …

Mutambara: … collective foolishness. We won’t allow Australia to judge our agreement. It’s none of your business.

Doogue: Let me bring up the issue of the …

Mutambara: I haven’t finished. Shame on you for expressing no confidence in Morgan Tsvangirai. Shame on you for expressing no confidence in Mugabe. Shame on you for expressing no confidence in Mutambara. We will not brook that nonsense.

Doogue: Is it possible that you or Mr Tsvangirai could be walking into a trap as Joshua Nkomo did in the ’80s, where it looked like a power-sharing agreement and in fact as you know …

Mutambara: I have a question. Do you think I am stupid? When you ask that question you think we are foolish and we are very offended that you think we are that stupid. We are smarter than the Australians. We are smarter than the Americans. We went to better schools than most of these leaders in America, in Britain and in Australia. I am coming out of Oxford. None of your prime ministers can challenge me intellectually. So how do you patronise me and tell me that I’m going to be hoodwinked by Mugabe.

Acting dumb turns out to be a stupid move
August 18, 2008, 4:22 am
Filed under: Sport, The Media | Tags: , ,

“Her gaffes include asking if the 48kg weightlifting category referred to the athletes or their barbells, wondering why the term “chink in the armour” might go down badly in Beijing and questioning what happened if it rained during the 800m track event.”

Seven’s instructions to Sonia Kruger to “act dumb” during the Olympics may be backfiring on the network, as viewers appear to have been alienated. Serves the network right.